Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
