Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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