i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
