Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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