so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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