Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
