How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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