the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
