I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
