I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
