I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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