i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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