I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
