That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
