i just wanna soil my oats bro
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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