Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Pants are for mortals
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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