I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
