I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
