No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
