Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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