Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
