Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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She even gives head with a lisp.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
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Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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