is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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