There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
