what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
