If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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