lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
