Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
