oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
