"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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