It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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