You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
