You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
