it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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