Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I believe in your delicious
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
