i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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