Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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