i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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