The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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