i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
