love makes seman taste better
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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