i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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