You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
