I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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