Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
