I want to make a zoo with you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
