her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
