dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
