just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
