i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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