did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
