u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
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Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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