i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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