why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
