Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
