I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
