he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
