I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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