I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize