Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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