New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
