would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
