dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize