Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
