3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
