when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think people are normalizing furries
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
